October (Scam) Fest

I don’t like online scammers very much. You know, the kind who steal the identity of a Facebook friend and then try to convince you to give up your personal information. It’s not very nice.
So, from time time, I like to turn the tables on the scammers a little bit and, at the very least, waste some of their “valuable” time with a nice, long online conversation.
What follows is just a portion of an actual Facebook message chat that took place recently between myself and a scammer.
Scammer:  Hello how are you doing?
Me:  Good.
Scammer:  I’m doing pretty fine and have something confidential to share with you guess what ?
Me:  What?
Scammer:  I was wondering if you have heard anything from the Publisher Clearing House (PCH)
Me:  No.
Scammer:  I was enable to get some cash from them but i saw your name among the winner list when they came to deliver my winning money did you actually get yours ?
 Me:  That’s great. I’m telling everyone!
Scammer:  I got $150,000.00 from them oh if truly you haven’t got yours i think you will have to contact their online coordinator did you know how to do that ?
Me:  Where is Martha living?
Scammer:  What do you mean??
Scammer:  Are you kidding me???
Me:  No.
Scammer:  Ok
Me:  OK. Where is she?
Scammer:  She dead
Me:  WHAAAAA????!!!!?????
Me:  What happened?
Scammer:  She sick
Me:  She sick?
Scammer:  Yes.
Scammer:  After that she dead
Me:  She dead?
Me:  Wait. Give me a minute.
Me:  OK, I’m better now.
Me:  Who got her pearls? I hope it wasn’t Kathy. That bitch! Excuse my French.
Me:  So, what’s all this? Publishers Clearing House wants $150,000 from me?
Scammer:  This program is specifically for retired and non retired who need assistance paying for bills, buying a home, starting their own business with working and retired ok people ,This is a new program to help people maintain the standard of living and eradicate poverty by the United Nation affliated with the Forever Living assistance..
Me:  I thought they sold magazines.
Scammer:  (402) xxx-xxxx    Agent john david
Scammer:  Send him a text message that you heard about him from me that you are eligible for the ongoing funds that you want to know if your name is still on there winner list that he should tell you what to do.
Me:  I always thought they would come to my house with balloons and one of those big checks.
Scammer:  I got cash delivery to me at my door step
Me:  A big check?
Scammer:  I got cash.
Me:  Do I have to buy any magazines?
Scammer:  No.
Me:  Was there a camera crew?
Scammer:  No
Scammer:  I wish you the best of luck contact them right now so that I can lead you through as I did mine okay ??
Me:  It’s ok that there’s no camera crew. I don’t really want to be on television anyway.
Me:  Those camera crews must be expensive.
Scammer:  Have you contact the claiming agent
Me:  No. Not yet. I’m eating a sammitch.
Scammer:  Ok
Me:  Just a couple more bites.
Scammer:  Ok
Chat Conversation Ends

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