What A Scam (Labor Day Weekend Edition)

So, we haven’t done this for awhile. It used to be fun to turn the tables a bit on those pesky scammers.  You know, the ones who have somehow stolen the identity of Facebook friends and are trying to get your information. That is to say, your money. Below is a real Facebook message board conversation with someone pretending to be a FB friend. I’m pretending to be me. It has been only lightly edited. Not even the names have been changed.
Scammer:  Hello
Scammer:  How are you doing ..?
Me: Good.
Scammer:  How was your holiday terry
Me:  It’s tomorrow.
Scammer:  Oh really …?
Me:  Yes.
Scammer:  OK .I’m doing pretty good and I also have a vital information for you?
Me:  Oh?
Scammer:  Sure it suprised to you …?
Me:  What?
Scammer:  I’m just wondering if you have heard about the grant from the federal?
Me:  No. I haven’t. Am I in trouble?
Scammer:  t is specifically for those who need assistance of paying bills, a home, a new business, going to school, or even helping raise their children with old people and disables are offered grants.
Me: That pretty much describes me.
Scammer:  his is a new program, it was established by the Federal in conjunction with the World to help people in the society to meet up their needs, I got $50,000 delivered to me at my doorstep when I apply for the grant and you don’t have to pay it back, you can also apply.
Scammer:  Should I put you on how to apply for it
Me:  But I don’t have $50,000.
Scammer:  No you are the who will select how much You want to apply for okay
Me:  What?
Scammer:  Have you heard of Donald Mark before?
Me:  Is he a football player? I don’t follow sports.
Scammer:  He was the grant agent that helped me to get my grant package. He is a good and
Me:  Good and what?
Scammer:  I will give you his private cell number so that you can text him and apply as well
Me:  If he’s a football player he shouldn’t need $50.000. They earn a lot.
Scammer:  No you are the one who the federal will deliver $50 dollars at your door step after you have apply for the federal programming which is conjunction with world
Me:  Just $50 ? I could probably scrape together that much.
Scammer:  Oh really that what I apply for okay you can also talk to get if you want to apply more than $50 okay
Me:  OK.
Scammer:  I mean $50,000 dollar not $50 okay
Me:  Oh! That’s very different!
Scammer:  Do you want me to give you the claim agent contact?
Me:  Which job did Mary finally decide on?
Scammer:  Oh will have to contact her you no there will be holiday by tomorrow right ..?
Me:  What?
Scammer:  Should I give you his private cell number for you to text him to apply as well??
Me:  Are you ok? You sound funny.
Me:  You could give me his private cell number. If you think he wouldn’t mind.
Scammer:  + xxxxxxxxx
M:  So, Mark Donald is going to call me tomorrow?
Scammer:  Text him now to know if you are qualify to get the Federal Grant.
Me:  I told you. I don’t have $50,000!
Scammer:  Send him text now that you heard about them from your friend and you want to check if you are eligible to get the ongoing funds and they should help you claim yours too.
Scammer:  Oh you sounds funny you are the who the money will be delivered to after you have colified for the program
Me:  Oh! So old Mark Donald will come to my door with the $50?
Me:  Tomorrow? Say, what does colified mean?
Scammer:  Yes they will come and delivered your money at your door step once you have make the necessary things you asked to do okay …
Me:  What time tomorrow? Because I like to sleep in pretty late.
Me:  Any time after 11:00 would be ok.
Me:  Make it 11:30. OK?
Me:  No, 11:00 is ok.
Scammer:  Just text the contact now so that they will be able to get intouch with you so that your name will be among the next delivering okay
Me:  Wait. I have to go to the bathroom. And I mean RIGHT NOW!
Scammer:  Okay  When are you doing that …?
Me:  That was a close one!
Me:  I’m back.
Me:  When am I doing what?
Scammer:  You have to text them right now okay …?
Me:  OK. What do you mean by text, though?
Scammer:  I’ve gotten mine delivered to me at my door step and many people has gotten their own money also
Scammer:  I pray you get qualify because this will be a blessing for you.
Me:  Thanks. Say, when you pray for me would you also pray for my grandfather? He’s got that gout thing back. He say it hurts like hell! Excuse my French!
Scammer:  I was shocked when i saw them at my front door with my Grant money, Wow this is crazy and for real, I think i deserve the prize lol
Me:  lol
Me:  I’m going to make some toast.
Scammer:  You will have to go and get intouch with the contact now
Scammer:  After you have get them texted you will have to come back to me just to put you through terry
Scammer:  Hello
Scammer:  Have you got them texted terry ..?
Me:  Sorry that took so long. What were we talking about?
Scammer:  I mean the agent contact sending to you
Me:  I don’t care what they say. Pot makes me a little forgetful.
Scammer:  I’m happy cause when i receive the money, I quickly paid off my old bills and took the rest to bank to save, bank verify and see it’s real money not fake money. Smile I’m Rich now
Me:  Speaking of weed, you don’t know where I could score some, do you? Never mind. A medical marijuana (wink, wink) dispensary just opened here.
Scammer:  What are you saying again terry are you not interested in this programming anymore..?
Me:  Will I have to pay anything to get my $50,000? Because that seems like it would be a little fishy. You know? But it’s fine if Mr. Donald wants to show up at my door tomorrow. Just remember, after 11:00. No, 11:30.
Me:  No, 11:00 is ok.
Me:  Ken, are you still there? Did you have to go to the bathroom? Are you making toast?
Me:  Ken?
Me:  Are you praying?
Scammer:  Am here with terry
Me:  I’m Terry.
Scammer:  Go and text the contact and let them no you want to apply for the federal government programming
Me:  What did you have on your toast? I had a fried egg. Once I walked downtown with a fried egg on my head like it was a hat. I have no idea what that was all about, believe me!
Scammer:  And your money will be delivered by FedEx within 24hours after you have make all the necessary things you have the provide by the agent
Me:  I thought you said Mark was going to deliver the $50! I was looking forward to meeting him!
Me:  I don’t like that FedEx driver. Sometimes he looks at me funny!
Me:  Send Mark!
Me:  11:30
Me:  Not before! 11:00, I mean. 11:00 is ok.
Scammer:  They are both working together okay
Me:  OK. But I still don’t like that FedEx driver.
Scammer:  Don’t be skeptical this is real and legitimate and its financed and supported by the federal government in conjunction with the world
Scammer:  Text him now to know if you are qualify to get the Federal Government Grant.
Me:  Sorry, I have to go. My Uber is here. The circus is in town. I miss the elephants, though.
Scammer:  Have you get him texted now ..?
Me:  I’m buying my ticket now. Good seat. Right next to the tuba player, they tell me.
Conversation ends