My Colonoscopy And Me (Part Three)

My Colonoscopy Diary (Times and actions approximate):

Monday, 5:30 AM:  Up early.  Don’t want to miss a thing.

6:00  AM:  Cat still giving me the evil eye over the food thing.

6:10 AM:  First of several more bathroom “trips/stays.”

7:45 AM:  Leave for Altru clinic.

7:52 AM:  Arrive at Altru clinic.

8:09 AM:  Meet admitting nurse Marie (who seems nice).  She reminds me we’ll be looking at the first “five feet” of my colon today.

8:12 AM:  Take off clothes.

8:13 AM:  Put on attractive hospital gown.

8:14 AM:  Sign consent form which says essentially that if anything happens to me, nothing happens to them.

8:30 AM:  Blood pressure taken.  Said to be “too high.”

8:35 AM:  Blood pressure taken again.  Higher than at 8:30 AM.

8:40 AM:  Blood pressure taken again.  Higher than at 8:35 AM.

8:45 AM:  Waiting in bed.  Given warm blanket.

9:00 AM:  Still waiting.  Request another warm blanket.

9:30 AM:  Still waiting.  Request another warm blanket.

10:00  AM:  Still waiting.  Request another warm blanket.

10:04 AM:  Meet procedure room nurse Cheryl.  (She seems nice.)

10:06 AM:  Nurse Cheryl pushes me (and the bed) into procedure room.  Try not to look at scary, medical equipment all around me.

10:09 AM:  Dr. Tony Chu arrives.  Short conversation about how to access Dullum File blog and “My Colonoscopy and Me (Parts One, Deux and Three) posts.

10:10 AM:  Dr. Chu instructs Nurse Cheryl to administers 150 cc of something to me.

10:11 AM (Seemingly):  Magically transformed back to recovery area and given breakfast of whole wheat toast, pineapple juice, peanut butter and coffee.  Tastes like breakfast at the Ritz in London.

10:20 AM:  Short conversation with Dr. Xenophon Papadapolous, my urologist, who happens to be on the floor.  He says “I’m watching you,” or words to that affect.

10:24:  Short conversation with Dr. Chu about my colon which he proclaims healthy and free of polyps, growths and other nastiness.

10:41 AM:  Home and dreaming of the margarita I’ve promised myself this evening as a  reward finally–after far, far too long–for getting around to having this painless,  but life-saving procedure done.

2 Responses

  1. Consider yourself lucky, Mr. Dullum. Altru GAVE you breakfast?? Sanford did not come up with even a glass of water and it was LATE AFTERNOON, before mine was done. I wonder if the price is the same, or did I get ripped off??

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